


Flightless Bird, American Mouth

by cikicuba



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Middle School, Coming of Age, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Growing Up, M/M, Mingyu Centric, Romance, Slice of Life, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 03:37:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17052374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cikicuba/pseuds/cikicuba
Summary: Figuring what he wants to do with his life seems bizarre to Mingyu's entire wholebeing, but his adventure in Crown Heights might help lead him into that.





	Flightless Bird, American Mouth

**Author's Note:**

> Unbetaed & english isn't my first language so apologies if there's any grammatical errors.

There’s this article on the internet that said,  _many Asian-Americans can point to a time of feeling culturally conflicted. And that tug between dual cultures can feel uniquely different depending on where your family makes their home― whether it’s a small suburb or an ethnic enclave― and how you fit into your respective community._

And that, is basically how Kim Mingyu’s been living his life all this time.

Being Asian in the middle of Brooklyn makes him more appreciate the minority of his kind. Truth is, people can’t even differentiate between Korean and Chinese and decided to just call them  _Asian kid_  as for stereotyping purpose. Eleven years old Mingyu on his elementary school uniform, carrying a bag which contains a lunch box with egg rolls, japchae, and kimchi in it always stutters whenever his fellow classmate confront him.

“I told you guys, I don’t know what  _pāi mǎ pì_  means. I’m not even Chinese!”

Apparently telling them the honest truth about his nationality doesn’t make it easier for Mingyu to live a normal life.

When Mingyu’s dad company made them moved here, Mingyu is only five years old. His father chooses Crown Heights, one of Brooklyn hidden germs because it’s decently affordable, and had lots of transportation option. It also had the most diverse neighbourhood and they thought it would be fun to be friends with people around the world with different language and culture. Crown Heights also has beautiful architecture in some of the blocks. Mingyu sometimes likes to walk around Eastern Parkway or sit on the benches while eating a spicy corn dog.

But it’s always been just a dull neighbourhood for Mingyu’s liking until Xu Minghao came into the scene. Mingyu thought there’s no use to speak fluent English when both your parents are Korean, but being in Brooklyn from such a young age made Mingyu understands English more than Korean. The sad thing about his life, (one of them, there's so much more) is that he doesn’t even have friends whom he can use his ability to speaking English except his teachers. But again, eleven years old Mingyu found his clumsy-self tutoring his new Chinese friend how to  _sarcasm_  in English.

Minghao lives two blocks away from Mingyu. His dad owns a bakery shop at Chinatown in Manhattan, 35 mins by train according to Google Maps. Not like him, Minghao stood up for himself in a situation where both of them getting bullied by some skateboard gang in the Nostrand Avenue whenever they came home after school. That’s amazing, and ever since then Mingyu respects him so much.

“Let’s call this friendship a Neighbors Adventure.” Says Mingyu, when they’re strolling around Prospect Park on one boring Sunday afternoon. It was such a hot summer and both of them decided that ice cream would do so much justice.

“Why?”

“Because it’s a cool name. We’re going to have so much fun.”

“Like what?” asks Minghao, while licking to the base of his ice cream.

 “You know the scary house everyone talking about in school?”

“The haunting house? What about it?”

“I think we should do some experiment in there. The people will remember us as a duo who solves the mystery house! No more lousy Asian kid.”

Minghao’s face light up in excitement. “Let’s do this.”

And that’s how they were out in a hot August night riding a bike, and wearing a backpack that’s too heavy for an elementary student to handle.

“What happened to the house again?” Mingyu grips the torch hard after parking the bike under one of the trees.

“It was said that a mom sacrifices her son to a monster because she was in debt to the demon. No one has ever seen her son until now.”

“We’re facing a monster, then?”

Minghao’s legs hit a sharp twig and he hisses in pain. “Possibly.”

“Cool then.”

They’re walking side to side in the dark and carefully enter the big gate. It’s all just silence until Mingyu sees a flash of light coming from his right and he pulls Minghao’s shirt which makes him yells because from Minghao’s perspective, pulling someone’s shirt is annoying and  _ruin the shirt_.

“What the hell, Kim?!”

“ _Shhhh!_ ” Now Mingyu is gagging his mouth. Everything is so much easier when you’re taller and Mingyu has been unstoppably growing. “On your left, there’s a light!”

Minghao makes both of them get down and hide behind a big rock. “Oh no, what is that?”

“I don’t know, the monster?”

“What is it doing out here?”

“ _Patrolling?_ ” Mingyu whispers. The lights getting closer and now is  _aiming_ at them. “Minghao, what do we do?”

Minghao wants to dramatically says  _wait and die_ , but before he gets the chance to say it there are four kids in front of them. One of the members is short, (too short if compares to Mingyu’s weird body growth) and is in charge of holding the torch. His face is not that friendly so Mingyu assumes looking at him for slightly too long isn’t a good decision. The other one is having a strong hamster vibe on his face, and he looks like he spends the rest of his life trying hard to look scary. Another one of them is Chinese, and Mingyu can guarantee that because  _h_ e  _just knew_. He started to master in that. The last of them is, well,  _sleepy_. That was his own face when his mom banging into the room every single school day which is Monday to Friday, Saturday for a family jogging time, and Sunday for church time. The sleepy guy has this emo look on his eyes and also surprisingly a very strong jaw to begin with. He really  _really_ doesn’t look interested in either any of this.

But most importantly, they’re all  _Asian_.

Mingyu breathes in relief.

That wasn't the neatest acquaintance in history but to put it into account, Mingyu now has more friends.

 

Soonyoung and his gang are in their first year of middle school which practically makes them “ _The Hyungs_ ”. After the Haunting House incident, they’re started to hang out together. Mingyu learns that Soonyoung is a passionate guy, he always had the coolest idea to have fun like that one time when he took Mingyu to a secret tunnel he never knew existed. Mingyu really likes the tunnel and it was his sweet escape-kind of place ever since.

Jihoon the short guy is out of reach because he just doesn’t connect with either Mingyu or Minghao. He’s smart, and Mingyu is afraid of smart people. One day Mingyu asked Soonyoung how he can handle a Lee Jihoon in general, and Soonyoung said: “I’m immune to a rejection” as a reply.

Mingyu also doesn’t match with Junhui because he doesn’t get the dude’s jokes even once. Junhui tends to ramble in Chinese and the reason is 1) His English is a big fat no 2) He periodically says something inappropriate in Korean words. So that leads Minghao to be the only one who can normally communicate with him.

It took Mingyu a couple of weeks before he had the guts to talk to Wonwoo, the emo guy for the first time. Minghao was ditching him that day to go to his dad’s restaurant and Mingyu had to walk alone after school. He was about to cross over the street when there’s a bike’s bell ringing. They went home together that day and to another surprise, their home was only a block away.

Mingyu never thinks his life in Brooklyn would be more exciting than when he met Minghao, but Soonyong and his friends prove it wrong. Everything goes smoothly in places, until middle school comes.

 

 

-

 

 

Middle school is another phase for sacrificing more time for school. While Mingyu is developing his hate on algebras, for the first time he knew what it feels like to be betrayed.

 He ate lunch by himself today.

_Again._

Ever since they all went to the same school, Minghao’s been spending time with Junhui even more. Apparently there’s this Chinese club for the teenager to hang out and Minghao has been thrilling to join. (really, he never stops talking about how cool it is.  _Never._ )

Soonyoung is busy with his dance class, Jihoon is still approachable, and Mingyu doesn’t have that much social skill to blend in. On the other hand, that leaves Wonwoo to the table. The saddest thing about it, is that the older has his own friends outside the gang. It surprises Mingyu to be honest, because he didn’t think Wonwoo to be skillable on making friends judging from his lack of conversation with other people. But honestly, Mingyu doesn’t know the boy that much anyway to judge.

All this depression leads him to a Lee Seokmin.

Seokmin is a nice boy. And also,  _loud._  The first time they talk is when Seokmin approached him dozing off on his desk after he finished his lunch. He comes with a megaphone and a pamphlet. Seokmin deadass screamed to the entire classroom to come and watch him and his band perform.

To where, Mingyu got the information from the pamphlet itself. There’s a talent event held on the school’s auditorium this afternoon.

Seokmin is in a band.

“That’s right, a vocalist it is.” He proudly says.

 _No wonder,_ that kid thinks this class is his own bathroom because he sings (with a magnificent voice,  _thank God_ ) whenever he had the chance.

So Mingyu came. With Minghao this time, because he doesn’t want to lose in the crowd. Apparently Minghao already knows Seokmin because his social skill isn’t sucks like Mingyu.

“Yeah, Wonwoo hyung is also in the band.”

“What band?”

“ _This_  band, mate. Pay attention.”

Mingyu holding out the pamphlet that he puts in his pocket and once again looking at the picture. There’s Wonwoo, holding a guitar like one of those Rockstar he seen on the magazine. The quality of the picture is blurry so he kind of hard to spot. But now that Mingyu is aware, he positively can guess it’s the older.

The light is off and there are people on the stage.

“ _Is that—_ ” Mingyu chokes.

Minghao nods in satisfaction. “Yeah.”

“Damn, Jihoon hyung played drum? That’s dope!”

 “I know, right?”

Their performance leaves such a big impact. For a middle schooler, this level of performance is huge, even for Mingyu himself. Seokmin is  _that good_  at singing. He singlehandedly hit the high note in  _You Give Love a Bad Name_  like it’s nothing. Jihoon has this cool thing when he spins the drumstick between his fingers, and he plays passionately Mingyu can see the older little body shaking. Wonwoo is that type of calm guitarist that’s focusing on his ( _beautiful, neat, slender_ ) fingers and barely looking at the crowds. And the other man beside Seokmin—

“Hey, who’s that?”

“Oh, that?” Minghao nods at where’s Mingyu’s finger pointing at. “Seungcheol hyung. He’s a bassist and also the founder of the band.”

“Man, how do you know so much about everything?”

Minghao proudly smiles and shrugs his shoulder.

 

Mingyu gets home with Wonwoo that evening. They took a bus because according to Wonwoo it would be a pain in the ass to carry a huge guitar and ride a bike at the same time. They still awkward with each other, but it’s always nice to have a company even though all they did is secretly glances at each other.

“Got ditched by Minghao again?” they were walking along the road, two blocks away from their houses. 

“How do you know that?”

“I saw you eating lunch by yourself.  _Again._ ”

Mingyu whines. “I hate Chinese Club. It steals my bestfriend.”

“Why don’t you find a new one then?”

“I won’t, okay? It supposed to be  _M2 Against the World_! Now I feel like I don’t even know him anymore.”

“M2?” Even without seeing his face, Mingyu knows that Wonwoo is chuckling. And that’s the first time he ever heard the older making an expression more than just a casual talk.

“Yeah, Mingyu and Minghao.”

“Okay,” Again, the chuckles. “I know that both of you are inseparable, but I think it’s time for you to avoid your Asian phobia and get some new friends.”

Mingyu stop his steps. “Wait, you knew about that?”

“I read psychology book.”

“Ew, how old are you?  _Sixty?_ ”

Wonwoo smiles, and that’s kinda reassuring somehow. “You can eat lunch with me, Mingyu.”

So Mingyu nods. He had this idea on his head to bring the most delicious lunch ever, so he can share it with Wonwoo.

 

 

-

 

 

High school is a failed system that makes teenagers thinks to balance your academic and real life is on a scale of impossible, so they dramatically think suicide is the coolest way to express themselves. Mingyu still has a bad relationship with Math. It’s the same old boring day at Red Lake Academy, except now he wasn’t that afraid of approaching someone. Mingyu’s freshman and sophomore year are spent by being dramatic over everything including his love life.

Now it’s been six months since Mingyu dating Amy Thompson during his junior year.

“Do you think Amy will like it? I’m nervous.”

They rush-walking on the fully-crowded hall, holding a paper which should be signed to Mrs. Collin’s desk by 03.00 PM this afternoon, exactly ten minutes left to the said deadline.

“Like what?”

“Have you been paying attention at all?”

“Why are you dating a girl named Amy?”

Mingyu bumps into some big guy from the football team. He bids a quick sorry and catches up with Minghao (he surprisingly fast). “What is the problem of dating a girl named Amy?”

“I don’t know, it reminds me of the Amy from Nine-Nine. She’s ambitious and scares the hell out of me.”

“Minghao, she turns me on.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, too much information buddy!”

After handling the paper to Mrs. Collin (at 03.00 PM straight), they’re walking back into the hall, but no rush this time. “What do you do after school? I’m bored.”

Minghao shrugs his shoulder. “Nothing. Let’s hang out.”

“Ohhh, now that Junhui is occupied with his senior stuff, you taking advantage of me? Smart move.”

“C’mon Mingyu, not that again. We’ve been fighting over this ever since middle school. I feel like we're a couple waiting for a divorce.” 

“See? You’re avoiding the question. But that’s  _completely_  and  _wholeheartedly_  okay because while you were gone, I’ve been friends with John.”

“No, you’re hiding under Jeon’s armpit and followed him like a pity puppy.”

“Don’t you dare bring my Wonwoo into this unappealing conversation!”

“Ahhh,  _your_  Wonwoo? From a reliable source of information which is me, aren’t you guys haven't been talking for months?”

For an instant second, Mingyu realizes what crimes he had done. That's why he tries to walks faster to save his life from Minghao’s scary-judgy-face and his ugly-raising-eyebrow.

“Look,” Minghao is already on his side again. “I know you’ve been stressful about the whole dating thing with Amy because she constantly asking you to have sex with her but your Asian morale somehow decline that—” Mingyu rolls his eyes, Minghao ignores him. “—but you gotta talk to Jeon.”

Mingyu would’ve defended himself from any of that if only it wasn’t true. “What does this supposed to do with Wonwoo?”

“He’ll leave in three months idiot, do you wanna get so caught up with Amy without fixing your relationship with him?”

“ _Friends_ , is my relationship with him. And what’s there to fix? We’re okay. It’s just that I’m busy, he’s busy. No time to hang out.”

It’s always weird between them from the start. Mingyu barely has seen Soonyoung since he’s busy being the president of the dance club. But they hang out sometimes to visit the tunnel. Now it feels like ages ago ever since Soonyoung becomes a senior because he’s more way busy catching up with all the grades he failed. But it’s fine. No one ever asks to fix his relationship with Soonyoung, that’s a completely normal thing.

Mingyu sometimes saw Jihoon in Seokmin’s garage, practicing his drum skills (which is, nothing more to upgrade since he’s that good), and he’s been teaching Mingyu math as well. Seokmin’s garage used to be noisy with the band practice. Mingyu also gets to know The Great Choi Seungcheol—Student Body President, all along with this friendship connection. But ever since Seungcheol graduated from high school, Jihoon and Wonwoo also busy with study, the garage becomes more deserted and it’s sad. The garage is keeping a lot of history. It's where their friendship bonds. Now Mingyu just hates coming there.

Mingyu could never decipher any clue when it comes to Wonwoo.  Sure, they’ve been hanging out in middle school but nothing significant happened. Moreover, when Wonwoo went to high school and Mingyu is left all alone. When they meet again, he wasn’t the same Wonwoo that Mingyu knows. Well— _physically_. He’s taller (no more than Mingyu), broader (still, Mingyu’s bigger than him), and more handsome (what? he just stating a fact).

Wonwoo still carries his guitar everywhere and somehow it’s relieving that the older still pursue the thing he loves to do.

It’s hard to talk to Jeon Wonwoo when he’s practically the centre of attention in the whole school. Everytime Mingyu walks down the hall, there are people (cheerleaders, mostly) cat-calling the older as  _hot stuff_ ,  _let me lick your sweat_ , and  _spank my ass with your guitar_. Even though the  _hot stuff_  is a true thing; the others are still inappropriately acceptable.

But the band is a big issue here in Red Lake especially when it consisted Seungcheol and Jihoon in it. They’re untouchable. People not gonna buy it if they witness Kim Mingyu is friends with them.

So he joined the photography club to end his misery. Well at least he had something to do during his boring days in Red Lake.

“Really, Gyu?” Minghao sits on the grass under the tree, one of the best spots of this hell hole and Mingyu’s favourite escape besides the tunnel. “He’s going away, my mate. At least talk to him.”

“Pfft, what? You mean college? Hao, who cares. Our house is practically one block away. I could just say hi to him anytime I want.”

“Changwon isn’t just a block away.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s going back to Korea after graduation, _dimwit._ ”

“What? But what about college?!”

“How am I supposed to know that? Ask him yourself.”

 

Mingyu doesn’t ask anything to anyone at all.

 

And while he’s being dumb and malfunctioning his brain, without him realizing it’s already three months ahead.

 

 

Mingyu loves prom. He never missed it ever since freshman year. He thinks it’s a sacred time when everyone reunited before something goes missing. People laughing, drinking, dancing, and forgives each other. He remembered shed a lot of tears when Seungcheol shakes his hand to say goodbye for the last time at prom. It was embarrassing, but also worth everything in this world. Mingyu loves Seungcheol, he was his muse. Mingyu promises to himself he will become like Seungcheol someday.

But right now, he wishes tonight’s prom will never have existed.

He picks Amy at her house with his dad’s car. She’s even more beautiful with the navy dress she wears and absolutely smells like that vanilla perfume Mingyu always like. But honestly, he really can’t get over the fact there’s a possibility of Wonwoo saying goodbye and he didn’t wanna cry like a baby in front of him. Also, this means goodbye ' _goodbye'_  because when Seungcheol went half an hour away to NYU, Wonwoo is going to another side of the world. 

So his plan for tonight is avoiding the older as far as he can.

“Dude! Where have you been?” 

Mingyu chokes and spits his drink, thanks to Seokmin for unexpectedly slapping his back. “What the hell Seokmin?!”

“Oh,” Seokmin looking through the mess he made. “Sorry about that. My bad. We’ll take care of it later. But for now, my man, you have a duty.”

“Uh, no, thank you. I don’t wanna join you and your squad.”

“Why?”

“As you see, we don’t really hang out when you’re with them, and I’m…  _occupied_.” That’s clearly a stupid statement and he should’ve come up with better reason than that.

“With what?”

“…. _Amy?_ She’s waiting for me in—in— _in_  the bathroom.” Really, Mingyu wants to puke.

“ _Ohhh,_  you’re gonna zip, pop, and lock her tonight?”

“First of all, please do not ever use that bizarre words ever again. And second,  _no,_  we will not. At least not now. I’m not ready.”

“You basically not occupied then! Please help us. We’re lack of crew.”

“For what?”

“Okay, we’re making this last surprise for Wonwoo hyung before his departure and we need someone to distract him so we can prepare the rest.”

Mingyu freezes on his place and feels emotionally drained already. This is it. This is happening. “Sure, where is he?”

“Going back to his car to grab some clothes for Soonyoung hyung. He throws up all over the place because he’s so nervous about the NYU announcement which gonna come out tonight at midnight.”

“Ew, gross.”

“Yeah, totally nailed it. Now go get him and make sure he couldn’t find any of his friends. Talk to him, strangle him, make out in his car, whatever suits you, bro.”

“Roger that— _wait, no!_  Why would I make out with him?!”

“Why not? Red Lake has nothing against LGBT.”

“Seokmin, you’re out of league. Get back to the topic.”

“Right. Just go, we’re running out of time.”

Mingyu did go to Wonwoo’s car slowly and unsurely. His mind simply cannot coherent any topic he can bring up to the said person and this is clearly a disaster. He was about to bail out when Wonwoo finally sees him and Mingyu sure the corner of the older lips is slightly up. Mingyu’s brain goes circuiting without any proper reason to begin with.

“What are you doing out here?” Wonwoo curiously asks. And now that they’re pretty close the smile is growing bigger and bigger.

A small little sad fact: Mingyu can’t answer that. “What are you doing here?”

“I was grabbing some clothes for Soonyoung to change. He’s helpless.”

“Typical Sonyoung hyung.”

“And asking back my question, typical Mingyu.”

Mingyu smiles nervously. “I was just gonna get some fresh air. It gets pretty stuffy inside.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

_Well, that’s easy._

“Um, that would be great. But Soonyoung hyung…?” he’s being considerate. It’s important to consider when you lie.

Wonwoo is torn looking between the tux on his hand and the auditorium’s door, and then at Mingyu. “I… _Mingyu—_ I gotta talk to you about something.”

_Uh-uh, not good._

“Sure.”

So they go to Mingyu’s favourite tree behind the building. It was bright since they’re also having an event happening on the field but still, the tree is quiet enough for them to talk. They’re looking at this one couple hugging and giggling on their way to the field. Mingyu recognise them as Jared and Bianca. He whispers  _gross_  silently but Wonwoo is surprisingly smiling.

“Hey, are you and Amy still a thing?”

That, wasn’t the question Mingyu thought would come from Jeon Wonwoo. It’s weird talking about the relationship with the people you do not daily share your life with. It’s like being interrogated with your parents from getting caught smoking. And it’s even weirder that Wonwoo keeps an eye on his love life. “Uh, yeah?”

“Wow. You guys… lasted long.” Wonwoo sounds surprised. Mingyu wants to laugh because he also thought _the same._

“What about you? Any update in the love life matters?”

“No.”

“What? Wonwoo, c’mon. You’re like…  _a snack._  Throw yourself into the sea and look how many seagulls waiting on the line.”

“A what?” Wonwoo looking at Mingyu with smile and amusement on his eyes. “Minghao’s sassiness has to get a toll on you.”

“I know, it’s like a disease.”

Wonwoo’s reaching his back pocket and get a pack of cigarette from there. He lights one of it and looking back into the field after looking up his head and successfully blow a smoke. Mingyu nervously stare at Wonwoo’s Adam apple and he gulps nervously. “Looking forward to having your own prom party?”

“Not really. I suck at goodbyes.”

Wonwoo chuckles. “Yeah, I noted that.”

“You  _noted_  that?”

“Never forget ever since Seungcheol hyung’s prom incident.”

“Ugh, I hate myself.”

“No, please don’t. It was kind of cute, actually. You cried for hours when giving one of your puppies to Seokmin because your mums really can’t stand any more puppies in her house. I know you hate goodbyes.”

“It was a cute puppy.” Mingyu smiles while following Wonwoo to seat on the grass. 

“Have you been in contact with Seungcheol hyung ever since?”

“Of course. We met and played basketball sometimes when he came home. He told me everything about NYU and it’s honestly making me crazy. I really want to get in but it’s some sort of impossible. I’m not  _The Great Choi Seungcheol_.”

“Hey, don’t say that. You already study hard enough. I’ve seen you a couple times in the library.”

If there’s a certain thing about Wonwoo, he is an observer. Mingyu doesn’t necessarily need to tell the older one particular thing about himself, he will figure it himself. It feels like being unwantedly exposed, but somehow that is completely fine because it Wonwoo.

Wonwoo was silence after that. He keeps avoiding Mingyu’s eyes, pretends to busy himself with the grass by randomly picking it up. Like, really? He slowly destroys a school’s property.

Five minutes later is when Mingyu can take it anymore and decided to ask. “Wonwoo, what’s wrong?”

 “Huh? Um, nothing. Just…”

“You’re going to talk about your departure to Korea, right?” Wonwoo looks taken aback and it’s honestly so stupid of Mingyu for blowing him like that.

“I—  _yeah_.” Now, he’s finally looking at Mingyu. “I really didn’t wanna tell you until the last minute.”

“Why?”

Wonwoo shrugs his shoulder casually. “Don’t wanna make you sad.”

“How… considerate of you.” Mingyu internally chokes. “What about college, then? Aren’t you applying for Julliard’s scholarship program?”

“Yeah, the result is out and I didn’t get in.” There’s a bitterly in his voice but Wonwoo keeps talking. “For now, I can’t really afford anything without the program. Something’s wrong with my dad business in Changwon, we’re practically in much debt. I have to help him fix everything first before thinking about college.”

“Wonwoo, I’m sorry... for everything.”

“No need to be. I also think I still wasn’t good enough for Julliard. Will try again maybe, when my family already back on financially stable. But for now, it just feels good to be back. Also, we’re gonna be on the same grade if I come back and start college next year. Isn’t that exciting?”

“You’re gonna come back?”

“Of course, Mingyu.” Wonwoo smiles sincerely. “I wouldn’t miss your prom.”

Mingyu has this warm feeling inside his chest and he can’t help but bury his face behind his hands. “Okay.”

“Oh God, you’re crying.”

“I’m not!” His voice got munched.

“Mingyu.”

“I told you I suck at goodbyes!”

 

The last thing Mingyu remembers about that time is that Wonwoo laughs so hard until his stomach is hurt. He gives Mingyu his handkerchief, and Mingyu grips at it tightly.

 

 

-

 

 

Wonwoo doesn’t come to his prom. Or even his graduation. He doesn’t even call once. He’s gone with the wind like he never existed.

The only thing that keeps constantly reminds him of the older existence is Soonyoung.

It’s hard to miss when they’re literally on the same campus and Soonyoung's new hobby is banging into his dorm room and babying him like a worried single dad.

“Soonyoung, stop. I get it. You want me to socialize instead of sitting on my bed because I’ve been a total loser since I was born and my bestfriend not just abandoned me for his other Chinese friend, but literally abandoned me by going into a different campus  _with his Chinese friend_. I’m trying to build a daily routine to cheer myself up, okay? You don’t have to worry. But I'm definitely not very suitable to join your dance club. And also, can you stop acting like my actual dad? People start to question our relationship.”

“Bullshit!” Soonyoung’s hop into Mingyu’s bed and chewing on his apple. “We look like a bestfriend.”

“Ugh.” Mingyu frustratedly dug his head into the door.

College life was even more brutal than high school. Mingyu only gets approximately six hours of sleep for the past five days during orientation because Soonyoung made him attend too many parties in the very first week he entered the campus. 

On his senior year at Red Lake a few months ago, Mingyu started to get serious on his career in the photography club. Mrs. Collin’s said if Mingyu can get one of his best shot to get displayed on the school annual exhibition, he can submit his application to get a scholarship at Red Lake University. So he did, right after Soonyoung's been crying nonstop at his prom night after got rejected by NYU. Mingyu didn’t wanna jinx it, and he also didn't wanna get eaten up by his obsession to be the next Choi Seungcheol so he submitted his application after one of his landscape picture of Brooklyn Bridge got chosen (he went effortfully much for taking the damn picture). 

Red Lake is kind enough for giving Soonyoung the last-minute chance to submit his application and thank God he successfully got in using his brilliant talent as a dancer. Ever since then, he always encouraged Mingyu about how amazing it feels like to get into the campus known as a Red Lake Legendary and the said place is actually a pretty cool institution.

On his prom day, he tried to not get too sad about Wonwoo but it’s been a hard game when you just got a rejection letter from your dream campus and get disappointed by a promise you’ve been looking forward to almost a year.

Seokmin was with him in Red Lake because his band legacy and also his talent as a singer is giving him another free ticket to the university. On the other hand, Minghao went to City Tech, following Wen Junhui and ditched him for real this time.

 

They got a fight a lot like a newly-wed couple.

“You betrayed me!”

“What? Why I’m the one who betrayed?!”

“I don’t know you submit your application to City Tech! I don’t even know you wan’t to be a hacker!”

“I don’t wanna be a hacker, okay? City Tech doesn’t always mean a campus for a technology geek. Also, you’re exaggerating. It’s not even far from Red Lake!”

“I don’t know, Minghao. I’m sick of you betraying me. You know what? Whatever. I’m so going to have much fun in Red Lake even without you!”

Turns out, Mingyu did completely nothing that considers as  _'much fun'_.

 

Today is the first day of the class and Mingyu is beyond nervous. After screwing his sleeping pattern and went to all the parties Soonyoung told him to, he finally got a proper sleep last night in order to prevent himself sleeping on the very first lecture. His day surprisingly went pretty okay. He managed to get one new friend which is his roommate named Peter Kowalsky (not Parker, he hates that joke) which also his first seatmate. He and Peter had a lot of classes together and it’s actually an advantage for Mingyu to effortlessly worry about seatmate. He texted Minghao about Peter and he said that he’s happy for Mingyu, and that whatever Peter _Parker_ do, (“It’s Kowalsky, Minghao. I told you he hates that joke!") he could never replace Minghao in the  _Neighbors Adventure._

The thing about college is, no matter how hard it is to keep up, the time always running out more quickly than it should be. Without even realizing it's one year already and Mingyu has been constantly trying hard to boil his own body every Friday night, all because he wants to skip Peter and his stupid party invitation. He goes to the party anyway because Peter caught him eating an expired Yogurt then immediately gives him a stomachache medicine.

“Please promise me you won’t do anything stupid tonight.”

“That’s like saying  _just go home Mingyu_  to my face.”

“ _And please_  stop being sarcastic. All you have to do is blend in!”

“But I hate blending in.” Mingyu loudly whines.

“Well you might try scramble-ing.”

“Peter, this is not a cooking class!”

“I know, I know. _Here—_ ” Peter pulls someone who had just walked past them. “This is Hansol. I thought you might be more comfortable talking to your fellow Asian. I care so much about you Mingyu, I don’t wanna my roommate to be a loser. Now I’m gonna find the Delta Chi president and do something, anything, to make him like me. Happy Bonding Time.”

Mingyu internally growls, Peter Kowalsky is so fucking cancelled.

It’s a halfway through the night. Mingyu already had two shots of vodka-sprite, two cans of beer, and he thinks Hansol is cool. It’s definitely not the alcohol talking because he wouldn’t stand Hansol for almost three hours if he wasn’t cool enough. Hansol had this chill happy go round vibes judging from he barely even care when Mingyu puking on his shoes at his fourth cans of beer. Peter and Hansol carrying him to the dorm that night.

“You know, Red Lake actually has a pretty structural building. I love how the library is located around the lake. It makes me feel things.”

“Shut up, drunk people are not allowed to talk. Also, you hate Red Lake.”

“ _Pffttt_  I’m not! Red lake’s great. It’s a love-hate relationship.”

Hansol scream-whispering  _Go Red Lake!_  on his own.

“Hansol, why are you Korean? Your face is like that man who died in Titanic movie.  _Uh,_  the ship captain?" Before Hansol can reply him, Mingyu slips his body into the ground.

“Gyu, please stand still!”

“I am standing still.”

“No, you walk like one of those jellies my little brother likes to eat. It has many shapes and a total shame because one of them looks exactly like my penis!”

“You need to control your emotion, Pete. Also, jelly is delicious.”

“I’m going to ban you from parties forever and ever, Kim Mingyu.”

Hansol shakes his head while laughing at both of them. “This friendship is fun.”

 

 

-

 

 

On Saturday two weeks later, Seokmin comes to his room while smiling like an idiot.

“What is it, Seokmin?”

“Are you free today?”

“Dunno, I’m busy.”

“Doing what?”

“Feeding Frenzy.”

“Great! Let’s do something more fun.”

 “Like what?”

“Well…” Seokmin smirking creepily and it honestly scares Mingyu. “Seungcheol hyung ask me to do a little reunion in the garage. He wants everyone to come,  _specifically_  a certain someome.”

“YES!” Mingyu is so happy he nearly cries. “Oh my god!”

Seokmin proudly nods. “Ready to go, Tiger?”

 

He can't stop smiling on his way to Seokmin’s house. His cheeks feel numb but he couldn’t care less when he’s about to meet his favourite hyung in the whole world.

“Hey, I know you only excited to meet Seungcheol hyung but don’t forget us, fanboy.”

“Soonyoung, are you kidding? I’m super excited! Even Jihoon hyung is there! You know how hard it is to make an appointment with him?”

Soonyoung chuckles. “Yeah, I’m going to sue Julliard for real if Jihoon doesn’t show up today.”

Mingyu calls Minghao to tell him to come and bring Junhui with him. He sounds super excited and it instantly put Mingyu in a good mood.

Thirty minutes later they’re all on the garage, hugging and laughing with each other. Mingyu almost can’t believe his eyes but it’s actually real.

Jihoon looks so much different from as far as Mingyu remembers. He became more muscular and his hair is  _fucking blonde_. Soonyoung looks thrilled when he saw that and said he also wanna dyed his hair. Seokmin and Junhui helps him strangle the small dude so Soonyoung can pinch Jihoon’s cheek. It was a quite strong battle because the next thing is everything goes chaos. There’s a drum stick being thrown everywhere.

“How dare you son of a bitch!”

_Yeah, still the same old Jihoon._

Seungcheol bro-hugging Mingyu tights and the younger already cornering his hyung for himself for his special NYU Information Delivery. Seungcheol also treats them a mountain box of pizza, it should be enough to feed the entire Crown Heights Neighborhoods.

_God, Mingyu misses this._

He punches Minghao in the chest the moment he sees him and for return, Minghao only laughs and messily ruffles Mingyu’s hair. “I miss you, man.”

“Yeah, but sorry the feeling isn’t mutual. Thanks for leaving me with Peter, he’s the worst.”

“Lie detected!” Seokmin shouts from his kitchen.  _How does that dude even hear the conversation?_  “Peter’s great! He’s one of Delta Chi’s strong candidate.”

 “Ohhh, thinking of joining a fraternity, Buddy?”

Mingyu turns his head to the left and looking at Seungcheol sitting on the couch. “Me? You’re joking, right?”

“Why not?” Seungcheol shrugs his shoulder.

“Hyung, are you forgot that I am socially failed?”

Seungcheol inhales heavily and Mingyu’s radar is ringing.  _Uh-uh, bad situation._  “Mingyu, listen,” Mingyu was so ready for his daily parenting time, he can’t avoid Seungcheol anyway. but what the older say next has left him speechless. “How about we play one or two songs for the sake of old time?”

“Sure. But… you don’t have a guitarist?”

Seungcheol keeps his face straight, and peek at the garage door. Soonyoung nods at him. For a spark of seconds, Mingyu hopes he sees someone standing there, but from what he learns for the past two years is that letting his hope high will only give him a great pain to endure.

“Well…”

“What? Seriously don’t do this. You know I hate being the only one who knows nothing. Don’t play me.”

“ _Um,_ ”

For all his life, Mingyu never felt so much adrenaline rush into his head just because of hearing a voice,  _someone’s voice_ , which somehow still lingering inside his head even after all this time. He closes his eyes because he doesn’t wanna jinx it in case the voice was just his mind playing a trick on him. But half of his ego wants to open it, so he did.

Wonwoo’s hair grows so much since the last time Mingyu saw him. It was curly, but still in a good way. Maybe there’s a reason behind the uncut, but nonetheless,s it looks good on him. So good Mingyu nearly cries.

_God, it’s too much to take in one day._

“Hyung?” is the only word that came out of Mingyu’s mouth.

“Hi, Mingyu.”

“How… how did you get here?”

“By a plane?”

“I— _I mean_ ,” he stutters. “Since when?”

“Um, just a week ago.”

“Oh,” Mingyu looks at everybody in the room, “And you all knew about this?”

Soonyoung hesitantly nods. “We… kinda wants to surprise you?”

Mingyu staring into nothing for a slight of second, before he gets up to gives Wonwoo a bro hug. He asks the older a couple of chit chat question, before sitting on the corner sofa alone.

The rest of the evening spent by everyone trying to keep up with Wonwoo’s absence, and the older gladly listen to all the stories Soonyoung excitedly tells him. Mingyu tries to look anywhere but Wonwoo, but it’s some sort of impossible for him even knowing the presence of the said person. It’s 8 pm when they decided to dismiss the crew and go home. And since tomorrow is Sunday, everyone is going to their own house.

Which makes Mingyu had to go home with Wonwoo.

Both of them walking on the alley they used to walk. And for all the things Mingyu hates in this world, they have to do it in awkwardness. Mingyu staring at his steps to keeps himself busy, and Wonwoo seemingly more interested with all the big tree beside the street. It’s one block away to Wonwoo’s house and two to Mingyu’s when Wonwoo finally breaks the silence.

“Is everything good Mingyu?”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“You don’t seem very happy to see me.”

“What? No!  _Pfft,_  of course, I am.”

“You do realize that I can read you, right?”

“I—well yeah, but I mean—nothing’s wrong, all is good.”

Wonwoo keeps walking while inserting his hand into the pocket. “Wanna go to the park first before we hit home?”

Mingyu is physically tired but morally can’t decline the offer so he nods. They sit side to side by the swing. When Mingyu first came to Brooklyn, his parents wouldn’t let him out of her side because none of them knows the neighbourhood that well. So Mingyu hadn’t really explored the place that much. But on one Sunday afternoon, his mom was knocking on his room and said that she wanted to do some picnic and that’s the first time Mingyu went to the park near their house. Now that he realized he rarely came here anymore, so he kinda appreciates this moment.

“This swing feels weird,” Wonwoo mumbles, along with Mingyu's chuckles.

“That’s because we’re a grown-up dude trying to fit in this tiny seat. It was fun when we were younger.”

“Yeah, that must be.”

Mingyu doesn't know what topic he wants to bring into the conversation. He wants to talk about Korea, but he also confuses what to ask. For Mingyu, Korea will always only be his nationality, and he's been spending his entire youth in Crown Heights anyway. But being surrounded by awkwardness and watching Wonwoo shift on his seat multiple times must be taking a huge toll on Mingyu, he decided to end the misery.

“Okay, I lied to you. I’m…”  _how to put proper words for this…_  “Upset with you. But just a litte bit! Not too much.”

“You’re upset?”

“Yeah.”

Wonwoo looking at him like he knows zero acknowledge of what Mingyu’s talking about and he probably did, because the next thing is Mingyu sighing rather loudly and do the unstoppable rambling he specialises at.

“I’m upset about you not coming to my prom either my graduation, okay? I’m upset about you leaving me in this shitty neighbourhood. I’m upset about not hearing any hello since you’ve been gone. I’m upset to be on the same campus as Soonyoung because he reminds me of you. And I’m upset that I know that you’ve been here after one week has passed. I know we’re not that close to share that type of information, and you don’t have any obligation to report your life to me but  _it’s just—_ I don’t know. Minghao’s gone, you’re gone, I feel like people keep leaving me left behind and it sucks.”

Mingyu finally breathes and bow his head into the ground, scared of seeing the older’s face.

“Mingyu,”

He stays on his position and not moving any inch.

“Mingyu, look at me.”

Sometimes Mingyu wants to know where Wonwoo get that charmspeak power because _damn,_ Mingyu is weak when it comes to him and it gets scary as time goes by. So he looks up and sees those face he memorizes outside his head. Mingyu seeks for any sign of annoyance in the face but there’s only affection and patient like Wonwoo is carefully picking his gesture so he wouldn’t break anything there’s to.

“I—I’m sorry. I really am. I didn’t know you would take a serious note out of my promise. My family’s problem turns out was so much worse than I thought. We had to sell our house and live at my grandma’s house. But it still wasn’t enough, so I started working to help my dad. Not only one job but several. I didn’t really have time to occupy myself with other things. Also, thinking about everything in Crown Heights just makes me depressed. It took us more than a year and with the amount of money I and my dad had collected, we finally paid the debt.” Wonwoo takes a deep breath. “After that we tried to establish our life back again. I started to save money to come here and meet you guys.”

“Oh my god.” Mingyu gets up from the swing and starts panicking. “Wonwoo, that’s bad. I’m so sorry I was being selfish.”

“No Mingyu, why are you apologizing? I know prom means a lot to you.”

“Prom sucks, okay? I cried a lot and leave early because of my curfew.”  _Lied,_  he left early because he can’t stop thinking about the promise and his mood was completely ruined by the time Seokmin excitedly asked him to dance to his favourite song. (you can’t just sit and daydreaming like a moron when the almighty  _Hey Ya_  by  _Outkast_  is playing!)

“Figures.” Wonwoo chuckles. “But seriously, _I am_ sorry.”

“You know what, just forget it okay? It was a stupid promise anyway.”

For a glance of second Wonwoo looks up and stares at Mingyu’s eyes. “Yeah, okay.”

“Great, um.” Mingyu now sits in the bench a little bit far away from Wonwoo. “So… You’re not gonna stay here then?”

“I still don’t know. For now, the plan is to find a job first and rent an apartment.”

“You can stay at my house.”  _What the hell, Mingyu? That came out wrong on so many ways possible!_  Mingyu bites his lips hard to prevent himself from saying any other stupid thing. “I mean, like, until you found a job of course.”

Wonwoo shrugs the offer by smiling and shakes his head politely, and Mingyu is grateful he’s the only one who thinks how implacable the offer was. “Thank you but I have a friend I can crash on. He’s my dad’s friend’s son and they live beside my family’s old house. He also will help me find a job.”

"Oh okay. Great. Perfect. Goodluck then. I mean on finding a job.”

“Will do.” Wonwoo nods and smiles. “How’s college?”

Mingyu wants to say it wholeheartedly sucked. Especially when you have a class at 8 am and deadaass getting up at 7.45 am then you spend those fifteen minutes to find where the hell did you put the paperwork you supposed to sign up this morning. There are too many parties to attend and not enough time sleep. The library is too far away from the main building he spends more energy to walk rather than study. But knowing Wonwoo’s situation, he doesn’t wanna be an ungrateful prick, so he picks the most decent answer to say. “It was okay.”

“Yeah? What are you majoring?”

“Um, architecture. It was devastating, though. My drawing is a mess.”

“Are you kidding? I’ve always thought that kind of major suits you the most. You had talents.”

“You… thought of that?”

“I’m good at observing.”

“Yeah, I noted that.” Mingyu giggles happily. “What about you, then?”

The older’s suddenly get tense and avoids Mingyu’s eyes. “College isn't my priority right now.”

 “What?! But what about Julliard? Don’t you want to be a professional guitarist, hyung?”

“Mingyu, drop it yeah? I told you it’s not really my priority right now. I gotta work.”

“ _But—_ ” Mingyu bites his lips for the nth times. “Sorry. Didn't mean to be rude."

"Why are we keep apologizing to each other?" Wonwoo's laughing at their situation.

 

Mingyu insists to take Wonwoo home that night. “This is unnecessary, okay? I’m older than you. I should’ve the one who takes you home.”

It’s funny to fight over who’s taking who home when their house was only a block away. Mingyu dismissed the older by pushing his back into the door. “Goodnight, Wonwoo.”

 

 

-

 

 

Today is Peter’s birthday according to Hansol and they’re planning to buy some gift for the dude. After realizing that both of them are not qualified enough to find a decent present in general, Hansol decided to bring his friend whom he thought would be qualified in the  _gifting area_.

Seungkwan is what you called loud and chattery in one sentence. It’s been a solid thirty minutes since Hansol first introduced them and Seungkwan already know half of Mingyu’s entire life story, abruptly changing the car song into  _Single Ladies_ , and dissing the way Mingyu walk.  _Who the hell does that anyway?_

“I don’t think Peter would be happy to get a nail clipper as a gift.”

“What’s wrong with nail clipper?”

“ _Nuh-uh_ , trust me, nail clipper is bad luck. Put that away Kim Mingyu.” Seungkwan dragging him away from the nail section. “ _Now, now,_  you know what thing Peter would like for his present?”

“What?” Mingyu asks lazily.

“An underwear.”

“What?!  _Why?_ ”

“Because it’s basic needs.”

“So does nail clipper!”

“Do you acknowledge the difference between something you can borrow and must have yourself, my mate?” 

Mingyu looking at Seungkwan with a total blank expression on his face and then silently mouthing  _your friend is so fucking cancelled_  to Hansol.

They did buy a pack of underwear and a trash can for Peter, perfectly wrapped in a gold wrapping paper and a silver ribbon which Seungkwan insisted should be included eventhough Mingyu didn’t think it was necessary  _at all_.

Peter seems satisfied with the trash can and eyed-seeing the underwear. It was also Seungkwan’s idea to throw a little party in the dorm with the four of them plus Seokmin.

“Holy shit where did you get this?”

“My father just got back from Jeju and bought home a box of this. Wouldn’t notice if one goes missing, right?” He smiles mischievously. 

Mingyu holding the soju bottle like it was as fragile as the feather. It’s been so long since the last time his family had soju in their house. Back then he was still a child, so he hasn’t got the chance to taste the drink. He might be tearing up a bit right now.

He embraces the bottle into his arms. “Merry fucking Christmas to me.”

“It’s still August, dumbass.”

“Fucking whatever.” Mingyu, still hugging the bottle and closes his eyes.

Seungkwan makes them sit side by side in circle. “OKAY EVERYONE! Be ready to taste the superior soju and beer made by the one and only; myself.” He skilfully mixes the drink and offers the glass to Peter. “First, for the birthday boy.”

Peter raises his eyebrow in confusion. “Who are you again?”

“Oh c’mon, you seriously asking that?” Seungkwan whines loudly. “Obama gave birth to me. I’m his rightful heir!”

“O—kay. Right. I’m just gonna…” Peter awkwardly grab the glass from Seungkwan and drink it. His face lit up after swallowing the last drop. “Shut up what the fuck is this?!”

Seungkwan proudly shrugs his shoulder. “I know. Magnificent, right?”

Mingyu’s turn to taste the drink is next and he immediately erases soju from one of the things in the world he wishes to try. “I will never drink that again, okay? It feels like my mom forcing me to drink her nail cleanser!”

His decision made him the only one who still sober among his friends that night.

 

It's weird having some Asian friends other than his old friend, but he’s grateful for Hansol and Seungkwan. They never forget to include Mingyu in everything they do and for the first time after seems like a long time, Mingyu is no longer feeling left out. Surprisingly, Seungkwan always understands Mingyu in a creepy way. He knew about Mingyu’s lack of social interaction so he much likely treated him like they’ve been knowing each other ever since they were born. And everytime Mingyu told Seungkwan that it’s okay to act normal around him, the brunette said it was his way to apply things he learned as a communication student.

The weirdest thing above all is, after knowing Hansol for almost one year the dude always looks the happiest when they hang out with Seungkwan. He had this fond smile aimed towards his friend whenever Seungkwan cracked a joke and made everybody laugh. Sometimes Mingyu lay on his bed, looking at the ceiling and try to decipher the meaning behind those beautiful smiles because he definitely never look at Minghao like that. In the end, Mingyu fell asleep without even knowing the answer.

 

 

-

 

 

“Are you sure it’s okay?”

Mingyu clamps the phone between his ear and shoulder while hurily tying his shoelace. “Yeah of course.”

“I mean, it’s okay if you can’t. We can just reschedule.”

“No, no, no. I was rewatching Game of Thrones from season 1. That means I’m bored— _by the way_. I can. Um. Accompany you.”

“Okay. I’ll wait in front of the gate?”

“Great!” Mingyu’s shin bumps into his bed and he hisses in pain. “ _Jesus Christ_.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!” he turns off the lamp in his study desk and gets out from the room immediately. “So, the gate, yeah? I’m on my way.”

“Yeah.”

Mingyu tries to control his breath. He glances at his clothes after passing the dorm gate and instantly regretting his choice of outfit. He looks like he’s going to attend a job interview. And that’s supposed to be a negative fact in this term. Honestly, he doesn’t even know why he made everything into such a big deal. Maybe just because it’s Wonwoo, who suddenly called him on Saturday afternoon, asking if they can meet which Mingyu immediately said yes without any doubt. He was planning to do some paperwork on behalf of being productive, but he fell asleep aftere reading some reference book. He woke up to the sound of an incoming call and there he is, being nervous about his outfit and his entire appearance in general.  _Without any reasons_. He would’ve been wearing training pants and a hoodie if it was Minghao or Peter.

Mingyu sees Wonwoo standing in front of the campus gate holding his phone. There’s a guitar case on his back and it’s been a long time since the last time Mingyu saw the older carrying it around.

“Hey.”

Wonwoo looks up from his phone and smile when he sees Mingyu. “Hey.”

Mingyu’s heart suddenly feels squeezes about how good the older look. He’s wearing tight blue jeans with a big tongue draw in front of his white t-shirt. It might seem simple, but the outfit looks breathtakingly good on him. How can someone do that, really? Mingyu always wondering about it ever since high school. The difference now is that the curly messy hair which makes him looks ten times better than the old-straight-hair-Wonwoo. He still shorter than Mingyu by a few inches but that’s just because Mingyu is a giant dofus.

Mingyu is so regretting wearing his Mario Bros button up shirt, a brown khaki pants, and also a brown outer. Now Wonwoo would really think he’s going to do a job interview.

“You look good, Mingyu.”

_Well, maybe not._

“Um. Thanks? And you brought your guitar.”

Wonwoo’s hand suddenly reach to the case. “I—yeah. Was hoping to get some inspiration from this trip to write a song.”

“Ah, I see.” Mingyu nods. “So why suddenly you want to meet me?”

“I got a job.”

Mingyu’s face lit up and he smiles while patting his hyung's arm. “Wonwoo, that’s great news!” 

“Yeah, and I kinda want you to be the first to know.”

“Oh. Okay…” did he just…  _blushes?_  Mingyu doesn’t even fucking know anymore. “You're not coming all the way here to tell me that, right?”

“No,” Wonwoo chuckles. “I’m gonna apologies for my mistake in the right way.”

“Uh?”

“Why don’t you just follow me? You’ll now soon.”

“Okay.”

Wonwoo nods and fixes the position of his guitar case on his shoulder while silently looking at the campus. His gaze is sadly longing into the building like he was searching and hoping for something and Mingyu somehow understand the older feeling without having to know what’s going on.

“Hey, what about I give you tour to the campus first?”

The older looks hesitant before nodding his head once. “Sounds fun.”

Mingyu also nods slowly. “Shall we?”

Wonwoo walks beside Mingyu in silence while Mingyu explaining every single corner about Red Lake. They pass the main building first, it’s the biggest building aside from the dorm, where most classes, the cafeteria, the auditorium, and all the administrative office were. The next is where all the laboratories located. Across from it are where all sports courses related takes places. The field, the gym, and the swimming pool. It’s honestly Mingyu’s least favourite places because sport it’s just tiring.

“So what’s your new job?”

“Oh, I work at the guitar repair shop around Dumbo. Got lucky to get the job because they were going to accept the candidates before me. Turns out I had more skills than the poor dude. This is the first job that I actually have to deal with instruments. My previous job in Seoul was either a waiter or a delivery guy.”

“Nice! See? You and guitar are inseparable.”

Wonwoo bows his head down and laughs in embarrassment. “Yeah, I’m started to think like that.”

“I’m sure it would be fun. I mean, you’re doing something that you acknowledge.”

“I hope so.”

They take a few more step ahead until Mingyu pointing at the red brick building and Wonwoo’s eyes suddenly fill in excitement. “This is my dorm.”

“Woah, it’s big. Is this also Soonyoung and Seokmin’s?”

“Yeap. There’s only one building for men dorm, and one for women. That’s why the building is so big.”

“How does it feel like?”

“About what?”

“Living in the dorm.”

“Uh, it was messy. My roommate, Peter, he likes to bring his friends to our room and it honestly a disaster because I really don’t know what to do so I ended up kicking myself out. Mostly to Seokmin’s room, or somewhere else if I feel like to. Sometimes someone will go home drunk and stupidly enough to press the fire alarm button and create a mess at 2 am. I had a test in the morning and these morons wouldn’t let me sleep peacefully. If I put my favourite chocolate in the refrigerator, there’s a big chance I will not find it when morning comes.”

Wonwoo giggles and Mingyu is judging him with his eyes. “That sounds fun.”

“Wait until you experience it yourself and you’ll regret ever saying the word ' _fun'_  into this term.” 

“It’s fun, though? I mean, better than work. You should be more grateful for it.”

Wonwoo’s word instantly made Mingyu feel uneasy. “Wonwoo—”

“What’s that?” Wonwoo’s finger pointing at the greenhouse and Mingyu sigh calmly.

“Let’s go.”

The walk is a little bit too far after the last building but they successfully erasing the tense atmosphere from before. They arrive at the little garden and Wonwoo seems to like it and he can’t stop smiling ever since.

“It was originally made for the Science club but then they decided to make it into some comfortable place to read.” Mingyu’s finger showing Wonwoo to one building across from them. “That’s the library. You can come here if you’re the type of person who can’t stand the silence atmosphere that much. There’s a little coffee shop inside. You can enjoy coffee and your book. It’s my favourite place.”

“The library?” Wonwoo playfully teasing him.

“No! The greenhouse, of course.”

The corner of Wonwoo’s eyes crinkles with his smile. “I know.”

They buy a cup of coffee for themselves before going to the place where Wonwoo supposed to take him. They drink in silence but it’s always like that anyway with Wonwoo. They just enjoyably admiring each other’s presence without having to show it off.

 

Turns out the place where Wonwoo taking him is their high school. Mingyu got confused but Wonwoo refuses to tell him until they sit down under the tree, which also the place where the last time they talked before Wonwoo’s departure. Mingyu hasn’t been here in so long and it honestly feels weird to be here. His mind suddenly rewinding all the happy memories he had with all his friends in high school.

“Why are you taking me here?”

“I told you, to apologise for my mistakes in the right way.” Wonwoo releasing the guitar case, and then pull the guitar out. He sits on the grass, then Mingyu follows him. “I had this one song and I never got the chance to play it because I was supposed to play it to you on your prom night.”

Mingyu’s heart starting to do those weird  _padum padum_  and his stomach sink into the deep of Tartarus.

“So this is it.” Wonwoo adjusts the position of his guitar on his lap. “Happy prom night, Mingyu.”

Wonwoo starts to play the instrument. A very calm and soothing melody comes along with Wonwoo’s deep beautiful voice. 

 

_Little birdies told me that it wasn't the time yet for us to be closer_

_Little birdies said I still needed some miracles_

_Little birdies whisper that what I have done still wasn't worth enough_

_I sit there in silence blinking at the sky_

_and then I started to make my midnight scribbles_

_I wrote down all my shabby thought_

_I pour all the stain in my chest_

_I cry in agony_

 

It such an addicting combination and Mingyu just dumbly sit and stare. He really couldn’t look somewhere else. Wonwoo’s voice, the way he closes his eyes when the lyrics get too deep, and those beautiful fingers dancing around the string.

 

_But little birdies say to let go all the bad thought because someday is there_

_And one of these someday_

_there’s a corner for you and me to rejoin_

_looking from eyes to eyes_

_and fix what's already broken_

 

His fingers slowly strumming the string and his voice gets emotional as the song goes by. If someone asks if Mingyu ever been enchanted, he would gladly say he did.

 

“How is it?” Mingyu still in the cloud nine when Wonwoo asks the question. “You don’t like it?”

“No.” 

The older looks taken aback with the answer.

“Wait! I mean no I don’t  _don’t_  like it. I—how do I say this? Um, can you wait until my brain fully functioning?”

“Okay.”

It takes a few more breathes before Mingyu finally look at Wonwoo right in the eyes. “Can you please play it again, so I can record it on my phone?”

The answer makes the older giggles. “I thought you didn’t like it!”

“Hyung are you kidding? I will buy a dozen copies if you put this song on your album.”

“So does this means I’m forgiven?”

“I already forgive you even before you did all of this.”

“Yeah but still… I feel really bad.”

Wonwoo did play the song once again while Mingyu records it on his phone. They sit there while laughing over the stupid things they did in high school. Wonwoo ordered a box of pizza and one big bottle of cola and give the delivery guy the school address with a side note  ** _“under the tree”_**.

“So how’s Amy?” asks Wonwoo while chewing on his food.

“Hyung, that’s so old. Do you think I’m still with her?”

“Why not?”

“Yeah, Well... same as you, Amy had to go to England right after graduation. I didn’t know the details, but we ended things nicely. Don’t think a long distance relationship will fit us after all.”

“Oh no, what a waste.”

Mingyu drinks the soda. “You know what, hyung? I’ve known you for years, but I never hear about your love life. It’s always me who got to explain things.”

“That’s because it didn’t exist.”

“Yeah, but why? Most of my girl classmate in the past had a major crush on you. If it wasn’t you, then it must be Seungcheol hyung.”

“Dunno… I just feel uncomfortable. Having someone whom you develop a relationship with means letting them into knowing deeper about your life. And that’s a scary thing for me. I got freaked out a lot. Also, I haven’t found the one.”

“ _The one_  is such a lame excuse.”

Wonwoo chuckles. “You’re dealing with someone who sucks at romance, okay?”

“Me too, I think.”

“What?”

“I’m afraid of strangers. I’m scared of being left out if they think I wasn’t what they thought. Being in a comfort zone was so much better.”

“We had such a weird thing in common, yeah? Don’t you think we should just date each other?”

“Yeah. It would’ve been easier since we already skip the introduction step and knows each other’s flaw.” They both laughed over the joke while chewing the pizza. Mingyu found it so funny his cheeks are tired from laughing.

And then there’s an awkward pause.

“Mingyu?”

“Y-Yeah?”  _what’s wrong with his tongue?_

“I’m sorry I was being weird before. I just… Somehow it frustrates me. I want to be a normal guy who goes to college, sleeping in the dorm with their roommate, rambling about how jerk the professor was, ended up skipping classes. Things like that, maybe. I love helping my family but sometimes… I’m tired of being responsible. Why can’t I be worried about paperwork instead of our monthly pay rent?”

“Wonwoo…”

“Sorry. That was childish. I should've not said that.”

Mingyu didn’t know where the instinct come from, maybe it’s the sugar rush from the chocolate he had earlier, but he bends his body to hug Wonwoo. The older gets tense for a glance of second before fully leans his body to Mingyu’s. Wonwoo put his forehead on Mingyu’s shoulder and the younger hugs him closer. A lot closer than he’s planned which is none, because Mingyu never planned any of this to happen. But it’s just…  _nice._  It’s nice comforting a friend. Wonwoo moves his face and buries it in the crock of Mingyu’s neck and Mingyu closes his eyes to feel the warmth of Wonwoo’s breath.

When Wonwoo lifts his head, Mingyu sees a few tears on his cheeks and wipe it with his thumb. Seeing the older on his vulnerable phase is a new thing for Mingyu since he always clamps himself so tight. Wonwoo is so much different from any other popular guy Mingyu knows. He doesn’t even take any advantages of anything. He's always been on his own and Mingyu admires him for that.

“You know what you did was great, right? Not a lot of people can do that. I can’t even imagine myself working because I can’t stand when people snap at me. I’d cry. I always wanted to be brave. Like you. Or Seungcheol hyung. Or Soonyoung when he’s angry.” Wonwoo chuckles at the remarks. “I can’t say that I know what you feel because I’m seriously not. But I want you to know that hard works never betray. You just gotta through the circumstances first.” 

Is he talking nonsense? He doesn’t know. Seeing Wonwoo sad is making his brain works two times faster. The said person doesn’t instantly back being a happy go but at least he gives Mingyu a weak smile and that’s enough for Mingyu to feel relief. 

“Since when you’ve become so wise and grown up?”

“I’m always like this.”

“No, you cried when we went to Jihoon’s house and you accidentally bumped into one of his mom’s crystal ball. You cried for hours and kept thinking about whether you should kill yourself. You’re afraid Jihoon’s mom will call your mum so you ended up sleeping in my house.”

Mingyu whines loudly. He pouts his lips and Wonwoo laughs at the sight. “That was in the past! It’s the epitome embarrassment of the old Mingyu. This Mingyu you see is the brand-new Kim Mingyu.”

“Why are you so adorable?” Wonwoo giggles.

“I’m taller than you!”

“Still adorable.”

 

Wonwoo keeps teasing Mingyu until he gets sulky and Wonwoo had to buy him ice cream on their way back to Red Lake. Now Wonwoo is the one who insists on taking Mingyu back even though Mingyu repeatedly says it’s really  _really_  not necessary. He’s a damn grown up. Also, it’s pretty far between their high school and the campus. What else, it’s Red Lake. They the expert of making everything complicated.

“I can’t let my little brother wandering around Brooklyn alone without supervision.”

“HYUNG! UGH.”

 

Mingyu sleeps soundly that night, dreaming about that one time when he sleeps in Wonwoo’s tiny cozy bedroom.

 

 

He wakes up with a text from Wonwoo and after reading what it says, somehow all those Justin Bieber’s lyrics about butterflies in your stomach started to make sense.

 

_still in a dreamland, sleeping beauty?_

Received 08.04

 

_it's sunday. wht r u expecting_

Sent 10.10

 

_just checking if you already uploaded the video on youtube. gotta prepare for some spotlight if it gets big._

Received 10.15

 

_wasn’t going to upload it in the first place, sorry for getting your hopes up_

Sent 10.16

 

_oh why. disappointing._

Received 10.17

 

_Because that’s not public consume. want the video all for myself._

Sent 10.18

 

 

Wonwoo doesn’t reply for another ten minutes and Mingyu starts to think he’s saying something wrong.

 

 

_okay._

Received 10.28

 

 _Hyung?_  

Sent 10.29

 

_yeah?_

Received 10.29

 

_goodluck on your first day of work tmrrw._

Sent 10.20

 

_will do._

Received 10.20

 

 

Mingyu calls Wonwoo later that night because he gets easily sleepy while studying and needs a good company. Wonwoo rambling about Korea over the phone while Mingyu is trying to draw something for his assignment.

Peter suspiciously eyed-ing Mingyu on his bed because it’s Mingyu’s first time in one year to get a late-night call with someone. He gets too loud as time goes by but he couldn’t care less. It’s his revenge to Peter for always bringing his friends to play games until late at night.

It becomes their routine to texts each other during the day and gets on the phone in the night. Sometimes it Mingyu’s turn to tell stories because Wonwoo had work to do. So Mingyu did. He tells Wonwoo about Hansol and Seungkwan. Also, his horrible experience with Soju and Wonwoo gladly listen. The thing about Wonwoo is he’s really a good listener. He doesn’t rush on asking a question out of his curiosity just like Mingyu always do.

 

_Wonwoo, Wonwoo, Wonwoo._

 

Sometimes Mingyu wondering why he lets his mind to be filled with the said man. He couldn’t stop smiling everytime he randomly thought of him or rewatching the video he recorded the other day. At one occasion, he would unconsciously doodle Wonwoo’s name on his book when the professor was explaining about drawing perspective and Peter will whisper-asked him what the hell is Wonwoo.

 

Mingyu fall asleep with his phone between his pillow and ear, vaguely hears someone says  _goodnight Mingyu, make sure to dream of me_  in a distance.

 

 

-

 

 

“Seokmin, I’m not interested okay?” 

“What do you mean you’re not interested?”

Mingyu walks faster for the sake of leaving Seokmin behind but the dude got quite a long leg himself so Mingyu starts to think the whole faster-walking is useless. Besides, he’s late for another class and Seokmin intruding him in the middle of the hallway saying he wants to introduce Mingyu to one of his  _girl_  friend because he’s done on seeing Mingyu sad on his own.

“That means I don’t wanna involve in any of your stupid blind dates.”

“This isn’t stupid, this is Kimberly!”

“Does Kimberly knows you’ve been trying to sell her around?”

Seokmin punches Mingyu’s biceps hard. “You’re unbelievable, Kim.” 

“Look,” Mingyu finally arrives in front of the class and face Seokmin properly. “College is hard and I barely keep up. I haven’t done my laundry in a week because I’m too lazy to bring it into the machine. I can’t take care of my life in general, how am I supposed to take care of my own relationship?”

“So you’re not interested in Kimberly?”

“For the love of god Seokmin, I just told you!” Mingyu pulls Seokmin’s arm so he wouldn’t stand in the middle of the hallway. “You could say that I'm currently preventing myself from romance.”

“Mingyu?”

“What?” 

“Are you perhaps, gay?”

“ _WHAT?!_ ”

“If you are that’s okay.”

“How does that supposed to conclude everything?!”

“I don’t know, the word  _prevent_  seems out of place for me.”

Mingyu inhales and exhales in one go while rolling his eyes. “Go away, Seokmin.”

“I still think you’re gay.”

“I don’t care what you think.” Says Mingyu while walking away from Seokmin.

 

Seokmin words keep repeating on his head for the rest of the day. Mingyu tries to shrugs it off by coming with Peter into one of his stupid party. Peter is in a frat, so he’s incredibly expert at parties. But still, it’s stupid for Mingyu because he just can’t see the point.

The rooms are filled with smoke and Mingyu’s eyes getting red and heavy. He decided to go outside to get some fresh air. Mingyu stands in the balcony with his hand on his pocket. It sucks when your brain is tired from thinking but your mind is a trainwreck of hell.

One of the kid seems lost because he’s looking at Mingyu and the balcony in confusion and Mingyu just assume he’s drunk enough to know where he is. But the dude’s got one cigarette on his hand and a pack of it on his other hand so Mingyu politely says, “Hey, can I have one?”

The dude unsurely nods and gives the whole pack and also the lighter to Mingyu. He pulls one and before he gets the chance to give the rest back, the drunk dude already walks away. “Dude, your cig!”

The idea of running after the cigarette’s owner seems impossible with the number of people inside so Mingyu gets the pack inside his pocket, hoping he would meet him before he goes back to the dorm.

Mingyu doesn’t know how to smoke, but he lit the cigarette anyway. He coughs hard at a few first couple sips, but it gets away after his second stick.

 

_What is Wonwoo doing right now?_

 

Damn, he really needs to talk to someone because he started to freak out. He pulls his phone from his pocket and dials Minghao’s number. He answers it after the fifth dial.

“What’s wrong?”

“What do you mean  _what’s wrong_?”

“You only call me when you’re in trouble.”

“ _Pfft,_  nonsense! We’re bestfriend, of course I want to call you.”

“For what?” 

“Keep in touch with our life, of course.”

“I know bullshit is your signature language but I wanna know what’s going on.”

Mingyu hates to admit it but Xu Minghao is really his greatest weakness of all time. “I just need someone to talk to, okay?” 

Minghao doesn’t answer it immediately with his  _signature sarcasm_ , and that means he prepares his next speech carefully before figuratively slap it into Mingyu’s face. “Look, you know what your biggest flaw is? You're overthinking literally everything especially what people think of you. I mean, who the hell cares? That flaws making you the person you are right now. You’re not making any progress because you scared, Gyu. I don’t know what's your problem is, but I know you. I know you since you’re still an ugly short elementary kid that carried an Iron Man backpack with kimbap in it.”

“So I’m handsome and tall right now?”

“Not the main point. What I’m trying to say is, it’s okay to be different. It’s okay if you’re not what people expected you to be. Or else you’re gonna trap in that little world of yours forever.”

Even though it’s  _literally_  a  _figuratively_  slap, Mingyu still feels his cheeks burning. Minghao _did that_ without even knowing what the main problem is. “Wow. Um. Thanks a lot, I guess?”

“Am I touching you right in the heart? Virtually slaps your cheek? Make your stomach crumble in pain?”

“Okay, disgusting. I say thank you now get out.”

“Hey, I’m not just some consoling line you can shrug off after your problem gets solved!”

“Yeah, good night to you too, Hao.”

“Kim Mingyu!”

 

Mingyu hanging up the phone with a smile on his face.

 

 

-

 

 

It’s been three days since Mingyu avoided Wonwoo’s texts and calls. Soonyoung even went to his room and said  _why is Wonwoo asking me to check up on you? Is something wrong?_  And Mingyu lied to him by saying everything’s fine and he will call the older later.

 

He didn’t call, by the way.

 

Mingyu goes to his favourite ice cream shop with Hansol and Seungkwan because he’s too scared to be in the dorm and having Soonyoung questioning him. It’s a bad decision though, because what happens next is something beyond his imagination.

“You can sit first, me and Hansol are going to order. It’s on us.” Seungkwan says.

Mingyu starts to dance excitedly and hold Seungkwan’s hand to express his gratitude. “Oooh cool! I spent the last of my pocket money to buy a game voucher. Now I can’t even afford a toothbrush.”

“Ew, gross. Get away.” 

Seungkwan and Hansol come back with the ice cream and Mingyu happily grab it from them.

“Calm down, hobo. Is this your first time eating ice cream?”

“Everything feels tastier when someone pays it for you.” Seungkwan confusedly stares at Mingyu who’s been licking his spoon. “So, what are we celebrating?”

“Oh, it’s our anniversary.” Hansol casually says. 

“What anniversary?” 

“Me and Seungkwan, of course.” 

“What about it?” 

Seungkwan hit the table with his hand. “Mingyu, pay attention, will you? What’s in your head? Peanuts? Hansol already said it’s our anniversary as in we’re celebrating our one-year relationship.”

“You’re in relationship…? You mean with each other?!”

Seungkwan leans himself back into the chair. “I thought you knew? Hansol is my boyfriend.”

“Shut up! What?!”

“Oh my God I thought you knew all this time!”

Mingyu looking at Hansol and Seungkwan alternately. There’s so much going on in his head and it hurts a lot. It’s all makes sense now. The way Hansol look at Seungkwan, and how they always remind Mingyu of his favourite couple on that romantic comedy tv show he used to watch. All this time he spent staring at the ceiling trying to understand both of them didn’t come up to this conclusion even at once.

After excusing himself by telling they should celebrate it peacefully without him, he walks back to the campus in silence. It feels like forever, the road seems like never-ending, and all he wants now is to stop thinking about everything. It gets tiresome and he really wants to rest. Why can’t he rest…

He’s thinking about the memories when he first came to Brooklyn, about the park where his mom first took him, that time when he and Minghao would laugh over all stupid things in school, how fun it is to play in the garage with his friends, and how sad everytime he remembers the night when Wonwoo left.

 

_Wonwoo…_

 

All he thinks about is Wonwoo. Wonwoo’s smile. That thing he does when he laughs and throws his head back, his nose scrunch... Mingyu wishes he could hug and tuck him into bed. Wonwoo with his curly hair and the guitar on his lap singing that song he made for Mingyu...

 

_I tried to be bold but sometimes sadness is inevitable_

_My heart is so fraught with the false omen_

_I want to scream out of my lungs even my shadows pity me_

_Each moment fleeting like an ocean wave_

_—and I wish to sleep to wash the pain away_

Mingyu pulls his phone out and dials Minghao’s number. He’s sitting on one of the sidewalks because he really can feel his leg no more. He waits and waits but Minghao didn’t pick up. He starts to panics and cry. People worriedly stares at him, but the tears keep flowing on his own. Minghao still didn’t answer and he gives up on calling his bestfriend. A few minutes later his phone ringing and Mingyu sees Seungcheol name. 

“Hyung.”

“Mingyu? Are you okay buddy?”

“I’m—not. I’m not, hyung. Please help me.”

“Fuck,” Seungcheol curses. “Where are you, bud? I’m gonna pick you up.”

“The road near campus. I don’t know which one. Please, hyung.” Mingyu cries even louder.

“Yeah, I’m on my way. Don’t go anywhere, okay? You hear me, right? I’m coming.”

 

The last thing Mingyu remembers is that his head hit something hard and then it was all black.

 

 

-

 

 

When you open your eyes after fainted for six hours and the first thing you see is a stranger, you should be freaking out. Because that’s what Mingyu is doing right now. He snaps his body from the bed so fast he thinks he breaks one of the bones on his back. The blonde stranger tries to calm him down by introducing himself but Mingyu is seriously freaking out for real until Seungcheol comes into the room and asks what’s going on. He calms himself down after that.

Jeonghan— _the blonde one_ , is one of the nicest people Mingyu had ever know on earth. He made a Chamomile tea for Mingyu, said it was for calming his mind. Jeonghan also feeds him some cookies and questioning him softly about what happened. Seungcheol leaning on the kitchen table listening to both of them with fondness in his eyes.

“So this is your apartment, hyung?”

Jeonghan comes back from his room, bringing a blanket for Mingyu. God, he was so nice.

“Yeah, me and Seungcheol.”

“You two… lives together?”

Jeonghan glances playfully at Seungcheol and then back at Mingyu. “Before I explain that, would you mind tell us what happened, dear?”

“Okay,” Mingyu doesn’t know what makes him easily say that when he’s been knowing Jeonghan approximately one hour and that still count they relationship as a stranger. He just did. “I just knew that my friends are dating each other.”

“Well, do you like the girl and now you feel betrayed?”

“No,” Mingyu laughs nervously. “It’s just that… both of them are men.” 

Jeonghan glances at Seungcheol again with concern this time, and Seungcheol nods in understanding. “And is that why you cried, love?” 

“I… No? I like seeing them together. I also had nothing against gay people. But all these things made me realized something and I think… I think I’m just not ready to face it? Everything comes to me in one go and I had so much going on in my mind. I get stressed a lot and then—"

“Mingyu, breathes.”

Mingyu breathes and closes his eyes. But everytime he closes his eyes and sees the darkness, he only remembers Wonwoo.

“Seungcheol hyung, I think I like Wonwoo.”

Seungcheol is standing there with his hand crossing on his chest. He just stares at Mingyu without saying anything, but Mingyu somehow knows his hyung understands. “And are you okay with that buddy?”

“I don’t know, would it be okay?”

“What do you mean?”

“This isn’t normal, right? And Wonwoo would be disgusted when he found out about my feeling. He wouldn’t want to be my friend again. He will leave me. Right, hyung?”

“Mingyu…”

“What if I can’t stop liking him? I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life.”

“Mingyu, I’m sure—”

“I don’t want to lose him again, hyung. Two years is enough. It’s… It’s so hard for me. It’s also been hard for him and I don’t wanna burden him with my stupid feeling. I—hyung, what should I do?”

Mingyu buries his face on the blanket and cry like a baby. Jeonghan is hugging him and patting his back, but he still scared. He’s scared of everything.

“Do you know how many girls Seungcheol has been dating, Mingyu?”

Mingyu sniffs and looks at Jeonghan. “A lot?”

Jeonghan chuckles. “Yeah, a lot. He’s pretty beast even in college.  _The Great Choi Seungcheol_ , right?”

“Right.”

“I work at the bar that night when a bunch of dudes wearing a purple NYU hat sit on one of the big tables. That’s the first time I saw Seungcheol. I confront him when he went alone to the bathroom and said that I like him. You know what his face was like? It was red, completely. He wasn’t expecting a guy to say that to his face, I guess.”

Seungcheol covers his face with his hand out of embarrassment and Jeonghan seems satisfied he gets the chance to tease the man.

“What did hyung said after you told him you like him?”

“Well, he told me he wasn’t gay, but he respects me and my honesty. We made a deal to be a a friend and act casual around each other, but I secretly made him falling for me on his own.”

“It’s not a secret, okay? You keep seducing me right in front of my face.” Seungcheol snatch.

Jeonghan completely ignoress Seungcheol’s rant and holding both of Mingyu’s arm. “My point is, you can change feelings without having to force it. It will come eventually when the time has come. You get what I mean, love?”

Mingyu nods and feels so much relieved after hearing Jeonghan’s story. “Thank you, hyung. I.. don’t know what will happen next, but I don’t wanna hide it. I’m tired of keeping things to myself.”

“Do what you gotta do. No need to rush, yeah?”

Mingyu nods once again, and this time he tries to feel grateful for what he had right now.

 

 

-

 

 

Seokmin informs that the band will have their first geek after a long time at one of the bars in Manhattan. It is a big deal because they never perform anywhere aside from Crown Heights before, and Seokmin already planning on murdering everyone who can’t come to watch their performance. Mingyu is happy for them but that means he will meet Wonwoo if he decided to come. But he doesn’t really have that much choice, so he just gonna prepare himself.

Wonwoo immediately sees him when they go backstage to check on the team. Jihoon complaining about his drum stick being broken so everyone is busy looking for a new drumstick for him. And that leaves him with Wonwoo, who’s been intensely looking at him without saying anything. And it makes Mingyu dumbly stand where he stood, not daring to moves even an inch. Not when Wonwoo is wearing very tight black pants also with a black turtleneck. His curly hair looks messier tonight and for heavens and hells, those glasses look so good on him.

“So that’s your Wonwoo?”

Mingyu jumps at the sound and sees Jeonghan’s grinning face. “Hyung you startled me!”

“He looks gay enough for me?”

“Oh my god, hyung!” Mingyu panickily covers Jeonghan’s mouth with his hand and Seungcheol screams  _don’t kill my boyfriend yet, I still need him_  from across the room. “You shouldn’t randomly say things like that!”

“Okay, okay! Let me go first.” Jeonghan’s voice gets munched.

“What?”

“I think he’s coming here!”

Mingyu turns his head away and sees Wonwoo walking towards them. He immediately let his hand from Jeonghan’s mouth and (still) dumbly stand there like a statue. “Mingyu, can I talk to you for a second?”

“Uh, okay.”

“Outside? Less crowdy?” 

“Yes. Good idea. Lead the way.”

Mingyu hears Jeonghan snorts and he wants to punch him so bad.

Wonwoo takes him to the back of the bar. It’s dark and quiet in there, but Mingyu is more scared of facing the older. And now that he admits it to himself and after seeing Wonwoo right in front of his eyes, he just realized how much he freaking like this man.

“Is it okay if I sing the song I gave to you on the stage later?”

 _What?_  

“Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah—sure.”

“Great.”

“…You were gonna ask me that?”

“Of course not, that’s the first.”

“Oh.” Mingyu coughs.  _Why are you so good at making yourself look like a fool, Kim Mingyu?_   “Okay.”

“Did you perhaps mad at me about something?”

_Uh-uh, mission abort._

“No, why would I be mad at you?”

“I don’t know, Mingyu. You’re the one who’s been avoiding me.”

_Yeah, that’s because I madly in love with you and it freaked me out not only a little but much and—_

“You know I cherish you so much right, hyung?”

“What are you trying to say, Mingyu?”

He’s replying Jeonghan’s story on his head, how he was so brave and so sure of his feeling. He’s not afraid of what other people think, and deep down Mingyu also wants to be like that for once.

“I did that because I’m afraid.”

“Afraid? Of what?”

“I... I like you, Wonwoo hyung. I’m not entirely sure but I like you. Romantically. It might seem silly and impossible, but do you know how tired it is for me trying to get you out of my mind?  _I just—_ I don’t know why I keep worrying and thinking about you. I’ve been avoiding you because I’m afraid you will feel disgusted and leave me. That’s the last thing I want after you went away for two years. Now can you please quickly say you hate me so I can walk away and cry?”

Wonwoo doesn’t necessarily say anything, but he steps ahead to reach Mingyu’s shoulder and hugs the younger tightly. Mingyu didn’t cry. He just dumbfoundedly stands there, burying his face inside Wonwoo’s chest. It almost feels like a dream so Mingyu pinches his arm to convince himself that this is real.

“That must be hard, right? I’m sorry you have to through that alone.”

“Wonwoo…”

“Listen,” the older lifts Mingyu’s chin so he can look at him in the eyes. “I don’t hate you, okay? I care about you and I don’t like seeing you sad. But you know I’m not good at things like this, right?”

Mingyu nods. “I know.”

“So give me time process all of this. I need time to think. I don’t want to judge you, and I will try to see everything from your perspective.”

“You have all the time in the world.”

“Promise me you wouldn’t go anywhere.”

“I wouldn’t.”

“And stop avoiding me, we need to be in the same field if you want to make this work.”

“Okay.”

So they go back inside. Wonwoo had to get ready so Mingyu bid him good uck for the last time before joining the crowd. Their place was pretty close from the stage and he still can see Wonwoo clearly.

Mingyu’s entire body feels hot during thirty minutes of the performance, when not even once, Wonwoo turned his eyes away from him. Mingyu bows his head a couple of times because he’s sure everyone can see how his face is blushing hard. There’s also a major headache on his head seeing Wonwoo looks so dashing, standing in front of the stage, doing the thing he likes the most in this world. The spotlight meant to be his, and Mingyu is happy for the man he likes. 

 

After the performance ended they all go back to the backstage and congratulating the team. Mingyu just about to bro-hugging Seungcheol when Wonwoo pulls his arm to follow him to the previous place they talked. Mingyu being pushed into the wall with Wonwoo’s hands places between his head.

“What is it? What’s wrong hyung?”

“Can I kiss you?”

“ _WHAT?_ ”

“I just have to make sure.”

“Well—uhm. I don’t know. If you want, maybe? B-Because you said you have to make sure.”

“Okay I’m gonna do it.”

“Wait, hyung—”

Wonwoo kisses him for real, and Mingyu’s head spins. The older moves his hands to cup Mingyu’s face and rub the corner of Mingyu’s lip with his thumb while still kissing him. Mingyu almost died from how nice it feels. His legs start to betray him, and he steadies himself by moving his hands to Wonwoo’s waist.  _What a tiny waist,_  Mingyu thought.

Wonwoo opens his eyes after done kissing the younger, and he leans his forehead towards Mingyu’s. His thumb won't stop rubbing Mingyu’s cheek and Mingyu honestly wouldn’t mind.

“Did I too rough?” Wonwoo’s hoarseness sends shivers to Mingyu’s body.

“No?”

“Okay.”

“Now that I say no, can we do that again?”

The older laughs and throws his head back. So fucking adorable, okay? And that nose scrunch… it's doing things to Mingyu’s entire wholebeing.

“God, I really want to kiss you during the performance. It drives me crazy. I almost jump on you.”

Mingyu chuckles. He shakes his head and silently whispers  _unbelievable_  inside his head. “What’s holding you back, then?”

The older lightly shrugs his shoulder. “Don’t wanna take advantages of you out of something I desire.”

Mingyu pulls Wonwoo into his embraces and he lets him. “I won’t ask you for anything, Wonwoo. Just don’t leave me. I hate when people do that.”

“I won’t leave you, silly. Just be patient with me, I won’t promise anything as for right now. I needed to fix my family life first, and then mine. Can’t get too attached on romance, moreover when it’s you. Also, this is all new to me and I’m still figuring out how to adapt. I really don’t wanna hurt you, Mingyu. I’d kill myself if I do that. Please don’t see me in a negative way.”

“I understand.” 

“For now, let’s just be us? Mingyu and Wonwoo, two friends from Crown Height, the Brooklyn neighbourhood?” 

Mingyu grins at the idea, his cheeks are hurt because he couldn’t stop smiling. “Us sounds fantastic.”

Mingyu hugs him again, tighter this time. Make Wonwoo buries his face in the crock of his neck was his new favourite thing now. Also patting his back and whispers on his ear that he did great. They both did great. It might be far from the happy ending Mingyu seen in the movie or even read in the book. But they’ll survive.

 

_I can only dream, but the dream is nice because it has you in it_

_It was warm, my dream_

_Inside of it, the only wall between us is only the reality_

 

They’ll survive as long as  _us_  exist between them.

 

 

-

 

 

_6 month later_

Wonwoo hates alarm sounds. Well who doesn’t? It’s the sound of daily routines banging into someone’s life without any further ado. He also hates waking up in the morning. He’d rather had a night shift, so he can wake up when the sun up high in the sky, having brunch while watching some crappy news on television, and showers with  _cold water_. It’s the highlight and the damn aim for having a night shift.

But today his shifts start at nine and the alarm has been furiously ringing for the past thirty minutes. He finally shut it off when he hears someone knocking on his apartment door. He gets up to check on his phone, no call and only one text from his parents asking him to come home for Christmas. Wonwoo sees himself in front of the mirror for the last time before opening the door and awkwardly greet the postman.

“Um, yes?”

“Mr. Jeon?”

“That would be me.”

“Great. Here’s your mail. Can you sign this please?” The postman hands him one piece of paper and one pen, and Wonwoo signs it immediately.

He says thanks for the last time to the postman and gets inside his house. He put the letter on the kitchen table, grab a bowl to have his daily cheap cereals and while opening the said letter. 

_What the hell?_

Wonwoo panickly put his bowl and spoon away to focus on the letter. His hands are trembling from seeing the signature logo he knew for his entire teenage life. 

So this is what acceptance letter looks like.

He rubs his eyes vigorously in case he’s still in a deep sleep and this is just another nice dream he had once in a month. But he can feel it. He can feel his heartbeat did a  _padum padum_ , and his stomach did a somersault.

 

_Dear Mr. Jeon,_

_It is a great pleasure that I write to inform you that you have been accepted for admission to Julliard as one of the scholarship recipients this year. We are dedicated to helping you achieve academic success and fulfil your educational goals while you are a student at Julliard._

 

_On behalf of the faculty, I congratulate you on this accomplishment and welcome to the Julliard family._

 

Wonwoo’s hand quickly grabs his phone and dial one number he could only think of. The number’s owner picks up after the third ring.

“Mingyu?”

“Hi, what happened? Why is your voice like that?”

“Oh my god, I…”

“Wonwoo, you know I hate it when you don’t finish your sentence.”

“I don’t know… There’s an acceptance letter in my hand that says I got into Julliard? This must be a prank?”

“Holy shit, shut up!” 

“No, don’t get too excited. This is clearly a prank. I never sign up.”

“Yeah but I did! I mean, I’ve always recorded your performance and I kinda sent it to them? And since I know you couldn’t afford the tuition fee, Jihoon hyung told me how to apply for the scholarship program. I didn’t know they would see it for real!”

“What?” Wonwoo’s head spins hard.

“Hey are you mad?”

“ _Fucking hell—_ I’m going to cry.”

“God I made you cry! What do I do now?!”

Wonwoo never knows what it is when someone talks about a happy cry. During his lifetime, he always cries when he rather sad or upset. Happy cry is a bizarre concept for him until now. He doesn’t know what to do, his chest is so full of happiness and gratitude towards everything he’s been through until now.

Especially for this man over the phone.

“Mingyu?”

“Yeah? I’m heading to your place right now, okay? Please, please,  _please_ , stop crying.” 

“I—I love you.”

Wonwoo doesn’t hear a single sound over his phone, and he bites his bottom lips out of nervousness.

After trying to figure out how to understand the younger and all these gay concepts he’s been going through, and after six months struggling to live alone in this city without enough money, Wonwoo learned a lot of things including how the presence of someone who cares about you, helps a lot to make you go on in this life. And he just—he suddenly wants Mingyu to know that. He wants Mingyu to know what he means in Wonwoo’s life. That’s not just as a brother whom he loves or a dear childhood friends who’s been known each other since forever. It’s different. It’s more than that. Mingyu had someplace special not only in Wonwoo’s life, but also in his heart.

“That’s the first time you said that.” Mingyu says, his voice isn’t sure. 

“Yeah. Better late than never?”

Mingyu chuckles. “You sure you didn’t rush thing?”

“I’m sure. I’m sorry you have to deal with all these uncertainties for months.”

“You know I’m okay with it, hyung. I’ll always be.”

“Would you date me now, Kim Mingyu?”

Mingyu gasps and Wonwoo laughs at it over the phone. “ _JESUS—_ Give me a warning before you say stuff like that!” 

“Well, I think you have to deal with my bold style from now on?”

Mingyu grins, even though he knows Wonwoo wouldn't see it. “Challenge accepted.”

 

[] 

**Author's Note:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/cikicuba) | [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/cikicuba)


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